bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
