im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
