If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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