I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
