I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
