'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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