i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
