end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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