Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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