She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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