For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just forgot I was standing up.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
