You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
