i just had sex bonerless
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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