Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We got so high we made milksteak
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
