is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
