I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
