When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
