summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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