I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
