Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
