So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
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So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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