dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
