Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
