peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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