so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
