i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
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Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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