And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
