I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
