I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
