Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
