maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
how drunk are you?
Several
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
