I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
