is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
