Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
