Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
