I'm going to jail i love you
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
