I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
