ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
