oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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