What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
