Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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