she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
