i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize