saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
