ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
