we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
