Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
