dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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