need another drink. this is the easiest way
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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