The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
