Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
