He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
