the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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