lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
