I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
