please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
