I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
