plz talk dirty to me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
