Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
