All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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