I just saw a hot homeless man
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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