Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
