We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
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I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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