I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
