Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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