i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
