The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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